Guest Blog from Jenn Carlino- Excellent Thoughts on Delegation

Recently I was reminded of the power of delegation. In a couple weeks, my husband’s family, 15 of us, are renting a beach house on Eastern Long Island. This year I am responsible for one meal. This is Big.

Allow me to explain. Almost 7 years ago I married into a Sicilian family. Not just Italian, but Sicilian. My mother-in-law is an amazing cook- you haven’t had lasagna until you’ve had Connie’s lasagna. His family shows their love through food so at Christmas, birthdays and every family gathering it’s all about the food.

On Thursday night, I volunteered to make a meal when we are at the beach house. Traditionally, my mother-in-law does the cooking and politely turns me down when I offer to help.This year she said yes! She has delegated finally.

I drove home from Matt’s parent’s house thinking, What have I done? I’m only 25% Italian. What would I make? After a couple deep breaths, I started getting excited, looking through my cookbooks, thinking of salads and desserts. I can’t wait.

Delegation isn’t about getting people to help me. It’s about releasing people and getting them excited about their calling.

I read a great statement by John Mark Comer in Leadership Magazine, “Are we getting people to do OUR thing, or figuring out how to equip and empower people to live THEIR calling.” My passion as a mom, wife, friend and in my professional and church life is to have the people around me walk in the calling of his/her life.

A couple thoughts on delegation:

Allow others to take ownership of the vision. A couple months ago I was leading a prayer meeting and asked one of our youth to lead the group in prayer for salvations. She was so nervous that she had written her entire prayer on a notepad. After the meeting, she told me how expectant she was for salvation in our House.

You can’t do everything. In Exodus 18 Moses’ father in law, Jethro advised him to delegate authority regarding the government of the people of Israel. If you’re wanting to serve in the Kingdom of God for the long haul (which is what we’re called to do) you need people around.

Just because it’s not your style doesn’t mean it’s bad. There’s a church in our area that years ago had a split choosing the color of carpet. The person who you delegated to make a sign, chose the menu for the women’s event or pick a new worship song probably spent as much time seeking God as you would have.

Let people make mistakes. Ask me about the time I gave all the kids soda at night church. I thought it was such a great idea. I’ve made tons of mistakes along the way and I’m thankful for the people who helped me learn and grow through the experiences.Thanks Pam.

Delegation isn’t abdication. Walk alongside people as they are doing things for the first time. You need to be the teacher and cheerleader.

Don’t hold on to the things you love. Just because you’re good at doing something doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be delegated. Allow other people the space to grow– and they might have even more vision than you do.

I’m not using any of Connie’s recipes. I’m making what I’m good at.

And it’s just a meal. Things aren’t nearly as big as we think they are. Let the people around you try something. You never know what great things are in store for them. The Kingdom of God will grow as we equip people into the amazing life that God has for them.

Jennifer Carlino is a Dean at the School of Journalism, at Stony Brook University and is on the leadership team at C3 Long Island, as one of the preachers and she also does some Event Co-ordination. She was also shared a house with me for over 5 years on Long Island which she deserves a medal for !

For Heaven’s Sake!

Posted on July 19, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Uncategorized / Leave a comment

I am passionate about looking after yourself, having good boundaries and getting rest. Mostly because I have spent a lot of my life being really bad at all the above – and I don’t enjoy the consequences. I have written a lot about these subjects here (See Boundaries 1 Boundaries 2 Rest and Know Yourself )

However as I continue to do my Master ‘s Thesis and read more (and I mean a lot more – who knows how people do PhD’S and work full time!) I am continually challenged by my motives and by what I believe is the core of the problems we have – self focus.

In a western world where the selfie is common and my dreams, my goals and my happiness are what we are pursuing it is so easy to take the message of self-care and make it all part of the cult of self.

The problem with the looking after yourself if you are the only focus is that it can just become another channel of self-absorption – and it can lead to a life that is tight and shrinking.

We have got to have the reasons we look after ourselves firmly anchored in a bigger picture.

We have to be looking after ourselves for the sake of the kingdom of God – for Heaven’s sake !

We have to know that :

We can’t be of use to Jesus if we are tired and burnt out.

We help our family and friends if we spend all our life at work

If we are not healthy we will spend our money on doctors bills and have nothing to be generous with

We have to look after ourselves for the sake of others.

It’s what Jesus talked about in the parable of the Good Samaritan – there was only one guy with the time, the money and the emotionally energy to stop . This story is not just about compassion – it is about staying healthy in every way – for the sake of others.

This week there are people who will need to support people who are caught in tragedy and loss in a world gone crazy – where children are being killed on rooftops and militants are shooting down planes full of people. Today if that was you – would you have the physical, emotional or spiritual strength to walk beside a friend in need?

I am so glad Jesus was emotionally, physically and spiritually strong enough to take the walk to the Cross.

Lets not allow self-care to become another reason we don’t reach out – let’s be so good at self-care SO that we are always ready to help .

Agree ? Disagree? Have more to add to help us all out- comment below !

(On a lighter note anyone know where the photo above is? Ticksy! I love cities- they are full of people !)

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5 Tips for the Tough Conversations

Posted on July 11, 2014July 11, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Church Life, Dealing with People, Uncategorized / 7 Comments

So I have done some tough conversations really well at times and really badly at others. I have at times cause damage and at times caused positive change. I have learned some things the hard way.

So for this post I am going to assume you have decided to have the conversation because you know it needs to be done . (See Tough Conversations -Why Have Them ) Here are some tips I have picked up – feel free to add your own in the comments

1. One size does not fit all.

You have to take into account people’s wiring before having these confrontations. Some people are really teachable and will hear everything you say. Some people you will hit really hard and they still won’t get it. Some people are so gentle and sensitive you barely need to say anything. Some people need data- they need times and dates of what has gone wrong. Spend some time thinking about the person and how would be best to approach the conversation – when, where and how is going to be best for this person. They are worth it.

2. Use the smallest stick possible.

What does that mean – use the person with the lowest authority in a team or organisation – that is appropriate. You will find some leaders always want the department head, or Senior Pastor to deal with conflict. Resist this – for a few reasons. First and foremost- the more authority some-one holds the more the tough conversation will sting. You goal is not to hurt a person but to help them overcome an issue or skill deficit in their world. Secondly if it goes straight to the Senior Leader you have no-where else to go if it does not change. We want to give people every opportunity to change . A meeting with the Senior Pastor because they left a window open when they locked up the building is going to feel very heavy handed and possibly be more embarrassing than it needs to be.

3. Have the tough conversation as soon as is possible

Dealing with an issue in a timely manner is so important. The person gets a chance to rectify a situation quickly, you don’t brood over it and let it become bigger in your head than it should , and it relieves stress all around. I have sometimes let things get way too big in my head over time – then the tough conversation becomes way too tough – and counter productive. (I am thinking of some of these right now with shame – knowing there will be people reading this saying Amen and praying I am changing !) Plus you spare the person repeating a mistake over and over, causing more damage than is necessary.

4. Make sure the person knows what is wrong

Seems obvious- but make sure the person understands at the end of the conversation what is wrong, what action steps they can take – or conversely if they have been able to explain the situation – that you understand them better. I have been on the receiving end of some tough conversations where it was too vague and I just was left feeling like the problem was with my personality- they just didn’t like me or value me and therefore there was nothing I could really do to make this situation better. It wasn’t the case but without some clear outcomes that is how I felt.

5. Pray

Only God knows where you are at and where the person is at. So you need God’s peace all over the meeting even if it is tough. You needs God’s grace so that you can love each other and continue to serve God together. You needs God’s wisdom to do it well.

Hopefully we can have tough conversations that feel like a big brother or sister showing the way !

Any tips to add ? I would love to learn from you.

Tough Conversations – Why have them ?

Posted on June 26, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Uncategorized / 3 Comments

Tough Conversations – Why Have Them ?

If you have been in any sort of leadership or management longer than 10 minutes you know you will need to have tough conversations with people at some point.

No-one wants to have them because they are tough.

They are tough on the people delivering them and tougher on the people receiving them.

I have been on the receiving end of some very tough conversations- some of them I am eternally grateful for – others took a while to work through. Sometimes when I have been on the receiving end I have been a total brat to the poor person delivering the bad news !

I have lately been on the giving end of some tough conversations Sometimes I handle them well – sometimes I don’t. Sometimes people receive them well –sometimes they don’t.

I have thought through the reasons why I would have the tough conversations- because really we would all rather avoid them. Some are crucial some are not.

Three Good Reasons to have the Tough Conversation

1. I care too much about the person to not say something about a blind spot or a mistake they are repeatedly making which is putting a ceiling over their life or causing them to damage their own reputation unnecessarily.

2. I care too much about the people around the situation – the person is doing damage to the people on their team because I don’t have the courage to work through an issue in their world.

3. I care too much about our church/ department/ organisation because without the tough conversation our organisation will be damaged or compromised because a person will continue to cause the same problems.

Even after this process – we need to tread carefully and prayfully into the tough conversations – so that they become something a person is eternally grateful for (if not immediately at least in the long run) .

Next week – some tips on the tough conversations .

So glad so many of you enjoyed hearing from Kelly Taylor last week- she is one incredible woman of God. If you are in London- go visit C3 London (http://www.c3london.com) and you will see her and her husband Mike in action- you will also hear some of the finest preaching around as Ps Simon and Valerie McIntyre (http://simonmcintyredotnet.wordpress.com) lead that great church.

More guest bloggers coming up – any suggestions are welcome.

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Taking Risks- Guest Blog from my friend Kelly Taylor in the UK

Posted on June 19, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Church Life, Self Managment, Uncategorized / 2 Comments

I have asked my friend Kelly Taylor to write a Guest Blog- Kelly and her husband Mike did three years at C3 College and then went to the UK to help out with music at C3 London. They are now the ordained Worship Pastors, they now have one daughter ,the gorgeous Pae and they travel in Europe training worship teams. They are also the real deal – great people, who love God with their whole hearts, love people well -and are totally down to earth and lots of fun. To hear Kelly sing is a treat, to laugh with her is joy , to hear her wisdom on life is wonderful and I still miss her excellent hair cuts – hope you enjoy hearing from Kelly ……

So Pam has asked to write a blog, on one key to life in Ministry

Well there are many things that I could write about, but I think that one massive key has been to take risks

Sometimes the more we know about something, the harder it can be to take a risk, and for me I think that had I of known what was in store, I probably would have only looked at the cons and not what the pro’s were, making a decision based on a emotion and possible negatives, rather than on risk, experience, challenge and excitement.

So Risk, would be one of the things I would say has been a massive key in our ministry and still is. I’m so glad that Mike and I took the risk to move to another country where we only knew a handful of people, where we would be living on the opposite side of the world to friends and family, The risk that what if this didn’t work, the risk of unknown finances, I’m not trying to frighten anyone off, but going into ministry is loaded with massive risk’s and personal sacrifice, but what I would say, is that had we of not taken up the challenge, I would not be the person I am today.

You see what risk does is it forces us to challenge things about ourselves in an environment that is unfamiliar, I had to figure out who I am all over again on God, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and what makes me sad. Some may say well that’s just because your getting older hahah well maybe, but I don’t believe so for me, making the decision to step out has pushed me into areas I always thought I could never cope in, realizing with God on my side and me out of the way I can do so much more than what “I” had seen for my life.

So the key is….. Risk is good, so don’t be afraid of it. We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose. God has never left my side (our sides) and though everything he has repeatedly shown his love and blessings over and over again our lives and ministry

Gotta Get Away !

Posted on June 8, 2014June 8, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Enjoying Life, Rest, Uncategorized / 1 Comment

I woke up really early this morning – I have done this since I was a little girl – waking up early the morning I go on holidays. I am excited, I love vacation. I have loved getting away even before I knew how important it was.

This year for me is the year of inexpensive local holidays – last year I had long service in America, and (cue music) I had the time of my life.

This year I need to be responsible but yet I know we all need to take break. I quite enjoy the staycation, and I will do some time doing those this year, to work on my thesis, but there is nothing like getting out of your own environment, away from the cupboards that need cleaning and the garden that needs weeding !

I believe for that for life and health and longevity in ministry, holidays are not a fun thing we try to schedule in – but an essential. Rick Warren says- Divert Daily, Withdraw Weekly and Abandon Annually (and if you are an Australian with 4 weeks holiday a year- abandon Bi-Annually if you can)

So I am off to abandon today – and I can’t wait.

Here are some things for how I am wired that are crucial for a great holiday

1. Family or Friends who are Family

Today I am going away with two friends who are family- Annie and Leonie – we will laugh, talk, (Leonie will talk most) , be quiet, eat, drink good wine and it will be lovely. Don’t go on holidays with people you are pastoring- go on holidays with people who are fun for you.

Go on holidays with people who have similar budget, like to go at similar pace and enjoy similar things- it’s not rocket science is it? If I am on holidays exploring a foreign city – I love going with my friend Marg because we both like to see everything possible and collapse at the end of days happy and exhausted. If I need a rest like now – going with Annie and Leonie is perfect.

2. Creation to Behold

This time it will be the mountains in the top of this blog- in January with my family it was the stunning beaches of Western Australia . Getting out in creation will restore your soul like nothing else . We allow our soul to be lead beside still waters, or still mountains, or still plains. On holiday there is time for long walks on beaches or in mountains, there is time to jut sit and watch the sun set. It is fabulous.

3) Art to Enjoy

There is something about art that will inspire and rejuvenate you. Whether it is a good book, a brilliant movie, a gorgeous gallery ,beautiful buildings, a Broadway show or a jazz gig – people expressing their God-given creativity is fantastic – and for me essential on a holiday.

In a foreign city i will always visit a gallery or get half price tickets to a show. It just makes me happy. Today I am taking an artist with me- and another artist is coming to visit – I love it . I have stopped analysing why art makes me so happy and have just decided to go with it .

4. Disconnecting

I will disconnect from work emails and social media – I am sure the world can do without me for a week !! I will miss posting Happy Birthday on FaceBook for 6 days but I am hoping I will be forgiven. I don’t need to see what the students are up to or what great photos of Vivid Sydney have gone up today – I can shut out all the distractions and just be for a week.

I will do some study for my thesis as to not do so would be stressful for me -and a couple of hours a day reading theology looking at mountains is relaxing (theology nerd I know)

So that’s my holiday essentials – what are yours ? I know for families it is different but I watch my brother and his family go camping and my sister and her crew go on beach holidays and I thing the principles are the same.

Next week I am starting to get some guest bloggers – friends around the world to give you their words of wisdom – which is really exciting !

Adios people – off on an adventure!

Women Leading Men

Posted on June 1, 2014June 3, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Dealing with People, Uncategorized / 4 Comments

Leading men as a woman in leadership can be a challenge, especially in the church – but sometimes in the workplace too. Surprising in the 21st century but part of life. It is inevitable that some men will find it unusual to be led by a woman and frequently not the men you think it will be . It is also true that some women find leading men more of an issue than they had anticipated.

I have made big mistakes, and had great mentoring. I learnt much of it in the early days of being on staff on Long Island, NY under Mark Kelsey’s leadership. Mark Kelsey and Bill Clemens who was the Assistant Pastor – were so incredibly good at backing me up and pushing me to stand in the authority I had been given – it was a gift from God and I understand not every woman in ministry gets this support.

So a few things I have learnt along the way, and I am sure there will be more to say on this later

1. Treat All People with respect

Every person – male or female – needs respect. When you are leading people – just because you have a position – it does not give you the right to disrespect any person. Guys especially don’t respond well to being shown a lack of respect..

2. Treat All People Like Family

Treat people like family – they are ! In 1Timothy – Paul says “Do not rebuke and older man harshly but exhort him as if her were your father . Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters. ” (1Tim 5:1,2) . Great advice that still works for us now. For me this speaks of leading with the kindness and honour you would afford people in your own family. It also speaks of how we carry ourselves in these relationships – loving the people we lead like our own family.

3. Lead!

If you have been given a role of leadership – lead. You rarely hear a man apologising for leading and you often hear a woman doing it. Don’t apologise for have to make the tough calls and give direction – it is part of your role. Men will not follow you if you don’t actually lead – actually no-one will want to follow you. If you don’t lead you may have the role but some-one else on the team will jump into that vacuum you have created and take the reins.

Lead with confidence knowing that God has anointed you for the task. (Note : If you manipulated your way into a role, you won’t have this confidence, so get yourself out of there fast, repent and allow God to elevate you !)

4. Don’t try to be a man

In fact don’t try to be any other woman either – be yourself. People respond to leaders who are true to themselves, working in their own strengths and talents expressed through their personality. You have been given leadership as YOU – why do we then get into positions and try to be some-one else. If God wanted some-one else he would have put some-one else there. If he wanted a man to do that role I am sure he could arrange it- he is the Creator of the Universe. So relax and be yourself. Of course we look to mentors and role models but ultimately we have to express who we were created to be- anything else is exhausting.

That’s enough for now – I know its the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to start the discussion.

Girls- what can you add to my list? Guys- give us some insight into being led by woman from your perspective.

(The weird photo is from a first year C3 College activity I run where I blind fold all the first years in the Oxford Falls courtyard – up to 90 people – and make them walk to drum beats – they have to be lead – it is so fun and it seemed appropriate! The other one is a grad photo. )

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