5 Principles I use to Guide me on Social Media

Like many of you I engage with Social Media all day – in one form or another- and until recently it was a large part of my job! So I was paid to be on FaceBook, Instagram and Twitter !

Along the way I have developed a few internal principles I use to guide me – they mean I have boundaries that are in place to help me navigate the wild and wonderful world that is social media

1. Be kind

Thats it – just be kind. Don’t be mean and vindictive. Don’t shame people publicly. Be kind.

2. Be generous

I LIKE lots of things and i comment when somethings wonderful .

I see it as a very simple way to give people a little bit of encouragement – we all need a little bit of encouragement.

3. Be positive.

I always make sure anything I put up ,even if it is about a tough situation, has Hope in it.

I don’t ever put up my personal struggles. I have close friends and family for that. Random people following me on Instagram may be lovely but they haven’t earned the right to my heart.

4. Don’t get involved in other people’s arguments

I don’t have the time or the energy – and I am not sure it is good use of either. I run away from quarrels and controversy on social media.

I know who I am, I do best if I can sit and talk through an issue face to face.

5. Don’t compare.

We all only put up the photos that make us look young, hip, hide our double chins and make our lives look fabulous . So does everyone else. Stephen Furtick says it best “Don’t compare your behind the scenes life to some-one else’s highlight reel”. Instagram is not real life ! Enjoy your own, in the moment, life, don’t let comparisons rob you of it. (This is a work n progress for me)

and a bonus

6. Take a break

Make sure you schedule Social Media Breaks – holidays, Sabbaths – whatever works for you. So you have a time where you disconnect and let your soul restore itself from the input overload.

I often wonder how Jesus would have used Social Media. One thing I know – he would have used it to reach people with the Love of the Father – but not in some cheesy christian cartoon !!

Any principles you would like to add ?

(If you would like to get my blog in your email and never have to look for it on social media again – just subscribe on the side. I can’t guarantee it will always be brilliant, I can promise it will always be real – my aim is that it would always be helpful)

What comes after Trust ?

Posted on June 11, 2015June 16, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Jesus, Self Managment / 7 Comments

A few ago I wrote on trust – once you get to a place of trust what happens next ?

Trust is a secure and safe harbour, a place to rest until we are strong again.

The place where we simply are, with God, even when we don’t have answers.

But at some point we have to start looking again out to sea.

We have to turn around and face life again.

We have to dare to see the future again.

We have to start to dream again

We have to Hope.

Hope is the expectation that the future is good, because God is good.

Hope is the anchor for the roller coaster of emotions that hit in times of challenge and change.

Hope says this is not what I thought life would be – but that’s OK – it can be rich and wonderful and different.

My hope is not in what I see now. My Hope is in the One who sees the beginning from the end.

Hope allows me to believe that I can risk my heart again.

Hope looks out to sea and moves past Trust to a smile.

Its a tentative smile at first, that moves into a grin of expectation.

Hope starts to get excited at the possibilities ahead.

Trust is Silent and but Hope smiles.

And then giggles.

“She is clothed in dignity and grace, she can laugh at the days to come” Prov 31:25

5 times you should Drag the Chain

Posted on June 4, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Church Life, Dealing with People, Self Managment / Leave a comment

The team I work in often comes to me for the quick decisions. I have the ability to make a decision under pressure – in those situations where any decision is a good decision. (Are they always the best decisions – no of course not !).

I also see most things as just a problem to be solved and the sooner it is solved the sooner we can move on.

However in the last few weeks I have literally forced myself NOT to make a decision, or have a response to a situation.

Here are the 5 times I think that dragging the chain, or slowing down action, is an appropriate plan of action .

1. When we are over tired.

Not just normal tired that most if us live with in the 21st Century. The “I have just been through a very busy season, have not been sleeping well, really need a holiday ” tiredness. None of us make good decisions when we are overtired.

2. When we are angry or hurt.

We should rarely make a decision out of an emotional response. I had to make a decision in the last week about something that had caused me to feel a little hurt. I forced myself to work through the hurt, to process it and then to make a decision that was rational and calm, and ultimately better for all concerned.

3. When we know you don’t have all the information.

I often have people come to my office with a story about some misdemeanour or other one of our students have committed. Experience, learned the hard way, now means I make sure I talk to the student involved and any other people involved to get as complete a picture as I can. I do this before I make any decisions or recommendations.

4. When we need to get people on board.

It is important to involve people who will be effected by a decision. They often can see things from an angle that you won’t and can help you make the right call. If you leave them out of the process they will resent the decision and have more trouble implementing it. I work with lots of contract lecturers who have diferent schedules. This means it is difficult to meet to work through decisions. However it is always worth it to involve key stake holders.

5. When the decision has long reaching strategic implications – obviously.

These decisions need time, counsel of many, the wisdom of Solomon and lots of prayer. These are not really the sort of decisions I am addressing here.

Obviously there are may times when a quick decision is a good decision. However these are a few times when I have experienced the power of dragging the chain.

What about you ?

Trust is Quiet

Posted on May 7, 2015May 11, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Self Managment / 16 Comments

Lately I am watching a whole lot of people go through various types of challenges and changes. At these times, it is those with the quiet trust in God who seem to be navigating these times with more ease.

“Faith is Loud, Trust is Quiet” – I love this thought from Mark Kelsey – and ponder it often and out of it I have some thoughts of my own on trust

So here are a few thoughts from me on trust

Trust kicks in when nothing makes sense.

Trust calms the storm inside our souls.

Trust is the quiet place inside us that says everything will be all right, even if its not all right, it will be all right.

Trust gives us security and then this security feels like a safe harbour for the people around us.

Trust is the weight in our keel – that keeps us coming back upright, even after we capsize.

Trust knows Jesus is in the boat, maybe asleep, but still in the boat.

Trust knows God is good even when life screams that it he is not.

Trust allows our souls to reach out to God, in the middle of the night, when fear overwhelms.

Trust keeps walking through disappointment and grief.

Faith might breakthrough but trust holds on.

Trust holds onto God no matter what – it says ” Though you slay me I will trust you”.

Trust is two young men facing a firing squad singing Amazing Grace.

Trust is quiet and it is powerful – it will not be moved.

Those of us who lead people must be able to trust God in the good times and in the bad. We have to be able to access our trust in God to strengthen our souls and keep us moving onwards, to keep us building and not tearing down, to keep us running to God and not from him. Trust knows there are unanswered questions but they are not going stop us running the race set before us.

Every day I know I need to trust God more than I do – how about you ?

Flick the Fake

Posted on April 30, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Enjoying Life, Self Managment, Uncategorized / 8 Comments

Recently at the annual Presence Conference that my church holds I heard a message from Steven Furtick that really resonated with me. It was a message on Jacob and how until Jacob was real with who he was, stopped pretending to be his brother to get the blessing and stopped running from conflict, that God would not bless him.

He used this great analogy that has been paying around in my mind and made me think and challenged me again.

Here is how Furtick put it

We have our Frustrating Self – the self who is in the present, the one with flaws and failings that we see, but have not yet worked through.

We have our Future Self – the one who is more like Jesus, the one we are going to be when we lose 20 pounds, figure out how to always stay calm under pressure and have memorised all our favourite verses from Proverbs.

Then we have the self that spans the gap – all too aware of the frustrating self , wanting to be the future self and so pretends to be where we are not yet – the Fake Self.

The problem is the Fake Self cannot have a real connection with God or with People – because it is a FAKE !

I have always been challenged to be real – to not try to pretend to be anything I am not. The people pleaser in me loves to be my Fake Self to impress. The sanguine in me fears rejection wonders if anyone will still like me if I am real.

In the last 10 years especially I have learned some phrases that have helped me to be real – here they are

1. I don’t know

Whether in a class lecturing, in a meeting I am leading, at home looking after my nephews – I can express a total lack of knowledge and be OK.

2. I am sorry

I need to be able to actually admit I messed up and be OK – and then I need to go back to the person I messed up with and apologise. If I ignore it I am being my Fake Self, assuming everything I do is right – what bondage that is !

3. I am responsible

If I am being real I can take responsibility for my own decisions and actions and live with it.

In an era where we all image mange – making sure the photos on social media show us in the best light having the best time with the best people – there is huge pressure to be fake. (To fight this – the photo in this post is me in my new reading glasses, getting old, at the end of a day where the hair straightener died and the make-up has long since disappeared !)

Even this week I have been challenged to be real, to admit my struggles (to people who have the grace to deal with them), to know that Future Pam is coming but right now I am stuck with Frustrating Pam – but she is the one God can use .

Fake Pam is no use to anyone !

Lets all Flick the Fake this week – and be real with where we are at. Its the only way to move towards our future selves.

Love to hear your tips on being real.

When is Enough Enough?

Posted on March 12, 2015March 12, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Enjoying Life, Self Managment / 2 Comments

Last week at my connect group I found myself in a conversation with some remarkable women and we asked the question “When is Enough Enough?

We live in a world that is saturated with a message of “More More More “. All the marketing in the world screams at us that we need a bigger home, a new car, an expensive holiday, the latest phone – and one that is actually true – we need more shoes!

Beyond the material things, social media can make us feel like we need a new life- that everyone else’s life is better. Other people have lives that are more glamorous, exciting and effective than ours is.

Everywhere we go there is a message that we need to HAVE more and BE more and to be honest some days that excites me and most days it just makes me feel tired.

In the midst of it all is the question how should a believer live in this type of world ?

There is no doubt in my mind that we need to be constantly expanding in some areas of our lives – we need to be going from faith to faith, we need to be seeing our character strengthen and grow and we need to have more and more love for the people in our worlds. We need to be people who are pressing on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of us for .

However sometimes I wonder if we need to embrace a more simple life.

(I say this timidly because I live in a gorgeous place and we are currently building a new bigger deck – because the old one was rotten – and I had a family Christmas in Fiji -I really don’t want to be hypocritical)

I do wonder though When is Enough Enough ? When do we stop buying and acquiring and enjoy what we have. Is the answer in the words of Paul “I have learned the secret of being content”.

I have thought about this so much over the years – and I drift in and out of contentment.

Contentment is a wonderful place to live- contentment enjoys the moment, contentment is grateful, contentment enjoys the unique life that God has given us.

I am going to keep batteling to live content- because discontentment eats away at me and is never satisfied. I think that contentment says this is enough for today! This is the day the Lord has made- I will rejoice and be glad in it.

How do you stay content in our crazy world ?

(If you would like to get my blog in your email and never have to look for it on social media again – just subscribe on the side. I can’t guarantee it will always be brilliant- I can promise it will always be real – my aim is that it would always be helpful)

Stop and Re-Set

Posted on March 6, 2015March 8, 2015 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Enjoying Life, Self Managment / Leave a comment

It’s already March and I don’t know about you but for me that means not only a change of actual season – but also a change a work cycle. The College students are back, and the mania of the first few weeks is almost over and I need to settle into a new rhythm.

In the past I would have just allowed the craziness of a change of season to run its own pace and I would play catch up – however I am old enough now to know I need to stop and spend some time re-setting.

Maybe your season has not changed, maybe you have just experienced the boundaries creep , maybe you set goals this year but you have drifted from them, maybe your kids have settled into school and now you can breathe and plan.

Maybe you need to join me in Stopping and Re-Setting – here is what I am going to do – maybe you need to do your own form of it too

I am going to stop and enjoy the successes of the past season – for me a large part of the past season was submitting and passing my MTh thesis , and the start of a new College year- don’t race past these things without celebrating them.
I am going to look at the times I messed up and try to see what I learned from the process – I have so much to learn from my constant mistakes!
I am going to look at my schedule and make sure it is aligned with my priorities – gonna make sure prayer, rest and exercise have not been crowded out in the change of season – as I know this is my default ( and a very unhealthy default it is )
I am going to look to God for a word or sense of what the next season holds.
I am going to plan to have fun – because as a sanguine I know I need to !

At the moment there are some unusual family pressures, I have so much to do at home, people to see etc etc – like you all have- but if I don’t get down to my favourite beach one morning this weekend , and stop and re-set – the next season will be a mess I know !

Do you need to join me in Re-setting ? Carve out the time, even if its only half an hour at the end of a busy day – and stop and allow some time to breathe.

To start the weekend -I am off to my connect group – we are just celebrating, because so many people have had significant life events – we have a baby, a big promotion, a house sold and a house bought and birthdays to celebrate and thank God for – it will be wonderful.