In recent months I have had a few moments of driving home from work thinking – “I am not OK” .
This is a weird concept for me because as a person with areas of leadership responsibilities I am used to pulling myself up by my bootstraps and carrying on.
However here is what I have discovered in this season, that most of you already know I am sure.
If I admit to myself I am not OK – then I can then start to do something about being not OK.
If I continue to tell myself and the world, its all good, I am OK, then I don’t do anything about what is going on and nothing gets resolved.
There were times when Jesus was not OK. He wept when Lazarus died. He withdrew when John the Baptist was beheaded. In the garden of Gethsemane his soul was overwhelmed ( this is an extreme example I know but you get the point)
Jesus did not bottle those emotions and say “Don’t worry people ! Its all good” .
No he dealt with the pain in a real and honest way.
As people in areas of leadership and ministry, we have to be able to deal with what is going on in our world in a healthy way. We have to be able to say to the people closest to us “I am not OK at the moment “. We have to be able to say to ourselves ” I am not OK at the moment – and I need to stop and do something about it” .
We need to be able to look at the dashboard of our lives and see which gauge is dropping through the floor, and then know how to go about remedying that.
Some times life just knocks the stuffing out of you – as my friend Vicki Simpson said to me the other day – and you just need to know that and be OK with it. You need to know that with time you will be OK again.
Sometimes when I am feeling not OK, all I really need is a few early nights with a good book or some good food and good wine with good friends. Sometimes it is more serious.
We will never know unless we can admit to ourselves, “I am not OK “.
Most importantly if we never say to God “I am not OK” – we can never allow him to fill us with what we need. We can never make the great exchange with him of our ashes for his beauty, our worries for his peace, our weakness for his strength and our pain for his comfort.
Now that’s a great motivation for getting honest with yourself right there !
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