I will be Happy when …….

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Enjoying Life, Self Managment / 10 Comments

I have often fallen into the trap when pastoring people and when dealing with my own life to think that if some external circumstances change happiness will follow.

However the older I get the more I realise that happiness is fleeting and contentment is not based on external circumstances.

Now I am not talking about tragic or incredibly difficult situations. These obviously effect our emotional well-being. As does chronic pain, mental health problems, isolation and long term stress.

However I know that as a younger believer I was often  thinking that when X happens I will be content, then life will be good.

These days,  I often have students in my office upset because they thought that by 21 they would be married, or the next Darlene Zschech or –  add in your own dream or goal.

There is nothing wrong with having goals and dreams, however they cannot be the source of our contentment.

We have to learn how to find purpose and contentment no matter what circumstance we are in. If we don’t we will spend our lives chasing the next thing, and nothing will ever satisfy.

I get the angst. Being in my 50’s and being single is not what I dreamed for my life. However one day after a lot of tears I realised – in the words of Joshua in the Old Testament – that life and death stood before me- and I had a choice.

I could stay in bed and  be miserable and depressed or I could stand up and choose life.

I decided that I wanted to choose life. I wanted to be content where I was and not wait for some-one or something  else to happen to make me enjoy my life.

I was going to acknowledge the tough parts of the circumstances but heck I was going to enjoy my life. I was going to work really hard to find the secret of being content no matter what the circumstances.

We all have bad days, but we have to be careful we don’t believe the lie that we will be happy when … when we get the new job, the new house, the new whatever. (Mind you some new boots right now would honestly make a big difference 🙂 )

Contentment knows that we have been graced by God for the season we are in. That this grace is enough for us. Contentment comes from a heart that is grateful what we have and is not constantly comparing our lives to everyone else’s gorgeous Instagram photos !

I know its not easy – believe me we have to fight to stay content – however its a great place to get to . I am so inspired by the Apostle Paul who was content in shipwrecks, floggings and stonings, as well as then he was feted and abundantly looked after !  When I grow up I want to be like him !

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I’m Doing Something I never Thought I would Do and I like it !

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Jesus, Self Managment / 6 Comments

I am not only doing something I never thought I would do, but I am also doing something to be really honest I have  judged other people for doing !

I am doing something I thought was for people who are spiritual light weights – or people who have no freedom and flexibility.

OK so lets start at the beginning of this story!

About a month ago I was at the C3 Service Manly Connect Group I run at Frankie and Ben Dawes home. (They are incredible hosts, every time we meet and eat dinner the table looks like its set for Christmas.)

One week Ben Dawe wanted us to watch an interview between Bono and Eugene Peterson on the Psalms . I am a serious U2 fan who has seen them live in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, our connection is deep. Also having been an early adopter of the Message for my personal reading – I knew this interview would be good – and it was.

Somehow in the midst of the interview I started to wonder if there was a Devotional by Eugene Peterson, and the thought was still there 2 weeks later. So I google searched it , then opened my Amazon account and with one click, it is on my various Apple devices.

I have become one of those Christians who reads a devotional as their regular Bible reading ! To be honest I am shocked.

I thought devotionals were for people who were not serious about studying the Bible. I thought they were for people who liked to be locked into a rigid schedule . I thought they were for people who didn’t want the Spirit to guide them and lead them.

Turns out I am incredibly wrong – and was very judgmental (again !)

This devotional is the perfect thing for me right now in my life. I am learning things from the Bible and pondering things I haven’t in a long time. It has also refreshed my connection with the Word of God – and totally separated my “work” class prep Bible reading from my personal reading. ( It might help that I don’t have to fill in a little booklet with lines- my scrappy left-handed handwriting never worked well with those. It also doesn’t have dates so if I miss a day, I don’t mess up the schedule and feel guilty.)

It is working for me. Devotionals may never work for you but trying something new frequently will.

We all need to stay open to new experiences in every area of our lives. This really is only a small one which only cost me $12 and one click. However if I had have stayed locked in my judgments I would have missed out on something pretty special.

I wonder how many other areas of our lives God is trying to lead us into new and wonderful places but we have decided for a multitude of reasons “I don’t do that!”

Now I am starting to get convicted about other things “I don’t do”  – so better sign off quickly !!

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey, to be real and to be helpful!)

Sometimes its OK to be Not OK

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Jesus, Self Managment / 30 Comments

In recent months  I have had a few moments of driving home from work thinking – “I am not OK” .

This is a weird concept for me because as a person with areas of leadership responsibilities I am used to pulling myself up by my bootstraps and carrying on.

However here is what I have discovered in this season, that most of you already know I am sure.

If I admit to myself I am not OK – then I can then start to do something about being not OK.

If I continue to tell myself and the world, its all good, I am OK, then I don’t do anything about what is going on and nothing gets resolved.

There were times when Jesus was not OK. He wept when Lazarus died. He withdrew when John the Baptist was beheaded. In the garden of Gethsemane his soul was overwhelmed ( this is an extreme example I know but you get the point)

Jesus did not bottle those emotions and say “Don’t worry people ! Its all good” .

No he dealt with the pain in a real and honest way.

As people in areas of leadership and ministry, we have to be able to deal with what is going on in our world in a healthy way. We have to be able to say to the people closest to us  “I am not OK at the moment “. We have to be able to say to ourselves ” I am not OK at the moment – and I need to stop and do something about it” .

We need to be able to look at the dashboard of our lives and see which gauge is dropping through the floor, and then know how to go about remedying that.

Some times life just knocks the stuffing out of you – as my friend Vicki Simpson said to me the other day – and you just need to know that and be OK with it. You need to know that with time you will be OK again.

Sometimes when I am feeling not OK, all I really need is a few early nights with a good book or some good food and good wine with good friends. Sometimes it is more serious.

We will never know unless we can admit to ourselves, “I am not OK “.

Most importantly if we never say to God “I am not OK”  – we can never allow him to fill us with what we need. We can never make the great exchange with him of our ashes for his beauty, our worries for his peace, our weakness for his strength and our pain for his comfort.

Now that’s a great motivation for getting honest with yourself right there !

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey, to be real and to be helpful!)

Rest, People Pleasing and Ambition !!

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Enjoying Life, Rest, Self Managment / 15 Comments

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So as I mentioned last week it has been a tough few weeks in my family. I was really feeling it and so I decided to take a day off and escape to the mountains . I was scheduled to leave at 1pm last Sunday. At around 10.30 am on Sunday I got a text inviting me to be involved in a very cool ministry experience that night.

My 52 year old self  declined. If I was to tell you I declined without the thoughts crossing my mind – what a bummer, wonder if that opportunity will come again, wonder if I have let anyone down – I would be lying.

However decline  I did. I declined because I needed rest more than ministry. I needed to look after myself more than I needed to please the people who requested. I had been snapping at co-workers, sleeping badly and feeling like I could cry at any moment . I knew a place I could go to rest that would release the pressure valve. I had a great pastor suggest to me that I needed to do it, and I knew he was right.

However I knew my 32 year old self- and to be honest even my 42 year old self – would have immediately begun re-arranging things to take this and every ministry gig that came my way.

I am not proud of this fact. I am not proud of it, because it lacks faith.

It means I have to say yes to please people as if they are in the place of God. I have to say yes, because a tough God will see me saying no, and passes me by, the  next time his eyes rove across the earth to find those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

It lack faith in a Good Father who loves me and values me no matter what I do. A Father who makes me lie down to rest beside still waters (or mountains) when he sees me struggling.

Sometimes we just need to die to our people pleasing and our personal ambition – have some faith and look after ourselves.

Now as I type this I know there are some of you who will take this and make it justification for not ever stepping out of your comfort zone, and for being self indulgent. I am not talking to you – you probably need to say yes.

I am talking to the people like me, the driven, people pleasers who sometimes lack the faith to rest well. Sometimes too our sense of responsibility means we keep going way beyond where we should.

We should always say yes more than we say no- however we need to know when to say no.

We need to know that rest and recovery are crucial to longevity. I want to still be being fruitful and enjoying life at 80 and it won’t happen unless I look after myself now.

Tough times teach you so much, and reinforce old lessons. So I packed up my mum and the dog and went and stared at mountains, cooked, walked, played scrabble, finished my book , prayed and pondered. It refreshed my soul. Wish my 42 year old self could have done that too – she might have been healthier and more fun !

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey, to be real and to be helpful!)

Tough Times Need An Often Forgotten Fruit

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Dealing with People, Self Managment / 5 Comments

Recently I went through a very challenging time . I have learnt so much from it .

It started a few weeks ago I got a call on a Sunday morning early that one of my family members was in hospital 90 minutes away. Along with the rest of the family in Sydney, I jumped in a car and spent the whole day at the hospital.

On Monday morning as you can imagine I was not at my best.

I stopped at the shops and my car door opened too quickly and touched the door next to it. The driver of the other car was there yelling at me in seconds. I promptly burst into tears, then explained my reaction was not due to the car – but rather, the ill family member and guess what happened ?

The other driver got more angry at me, continued to yell and be aggressive in a way that eventually meant I lodged a police report. (I have never done that before – it was unpleasant people )

The man had no kindness or compassion for me . He was totally fixated on telling me about his issues, which were of great concern to him I know.

Both of us needed kindness that day – but instead there was just lots of angry words exchanged.

Then in the following weeks I received so much kindness which starkly contrasted this incident. People in my world have poured out kindness in so many forms – there were so many flowers, calls, texts, meals, baking done, rides given, classes and work duties covered, prayers prayed and care given. As a verbal processor I am so grateful to family and flat-mates who listened – for hours !

Somehow in the middle of a tough time – when nerves are frayed – kindness is like balm for your brittle soul.

Last Saturday afternoon in a car park after another draining time, a lady cut me off and took my spot. Again teary, I thought – when I cut off a person in traffic, or speak harshly to a sales person, or get annoyed with a waiter – I need to be mindful that I don’t know what they are facing today.

Today, maybe if I die to my agenda a little and show kindness where ever I can – maybe I can offer a balm to a brittle soul. Maybe I can be more Christ-like, maybe I can let the fruit of kindness grow again  in my life. Maybe it will be just what some-one needs to get through the day.

In this crazy world we live in – and especially in the tough times – I realized again – kindness is not just important, it is crucial for the human soul.

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey, to be real and to be helpful!)

The Job of Saviour of the World is Taken

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Dealing with People / 3 Comments

At the moment there are some people in my extended world who I am watching making some pretty interesting decisions. As I have pastored for over 20 years (officially) I have spent a lot of my life watching people make decisions and then observing the consequences of these decisions . I am a professional people watcher !

I have celebrated with many people who have enjoyed success and joy from those decisions. I have also watched some pretty spectacular crashes, and sometimes been privileged to help people pick up the pieces and rebuild.

(I have also been in both those categories. I know I have often caused people to scratch their heads in bewilderment at some of the decisions I have made.)

Right now though, when I think about a few people I know in particular who are making decisions that I can see will not end well for them, I feel incredibly concerned for them.

I want to help them avoid mistakes I have made. I want to rush in and give them lots of wisdom and advice and I want them to change the direction they are going in. I have seen these patterns too many times, and lived these patterns, to know that they can be avoided. I want to fix these situations before any more damage is done.

However at Easter, more than any other time, I need to know there is only one Saviour. His name is Jesus, and he did not resign and give me the job.

My responsibility is to pray, to support and help where it is asked for, but it is not not to be their Saviour. I cannot take responsibility for another person’s life.

I cannot jump into that sacred place between a believer and their God.

I have to remember that each person’s life is a  journey of making decisions. It is part of the joy of being human, made in the image of God. It is what theologians call free will. For believers it is a journey of walking with the Holy Spirit to make those decisions.

As a pastors and leaders we can so easily get saviour complexes. Our care can become a burden we were never meant to carry.

We need to pray, believe and love people but ultimately we need to let Jesus be their Saviour.

He is the only one with shoulders broad enough to carry that load for all humanity.

At Easter I am so grateful that Jesus is Lord and Saviour of all!

The job of Saviour of the World, was and is, His to do. How magnificently he fulfils that purpose.

Happy Easter Everyone!

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Painting by Phil Pringle used with permission. http://philpringle.com/artstudio

Leading Yourself 5 – Decisions

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Self Managment, Uncategorized / 6 Comments

I have been pondering lately hard and soft decisions. We have to know the difference and have the ability to lead ourselves in the area of decision making.

Hard decisions are those we will hold too no matter what. They are the decisions we make that are set in stone.

Soft decisions are those that are more fluid and we will mostly likely uphold them but our commitment level is much lower.

Hard decisions are predetermined and they guide our lives.

Soft decisions should be the ones that are the optional extras.

So often we make the things that should be hard decisions soft,  and the things that should be soft decisions hard.

Hey before you click back onto FaceBook let me explain from an example in my life.

For a long time exercise was a set decision for me – I knew it was important and notionally I decided I needed to do it, however the decision was soft. It depended on what finances I had available, weather, energy levels and some days whether the planets were all a lined correctly. I went in spurts.

However now I have made it a hard decision in my life. I have determined that I am going to be 80 and still swimming laps. I may slow down and have to helped out of the pool but I will still be swimming. . Currently I am committed to swimming 30-40  laps 3 times a week. It has become a hard decision.

I now budget time and money towards it and as it is a hard decision, this guides me to do it. On my swim days I don’t wake up in the morning and decide whether to swim . I just wake up , walk the dog and pray , eat breakfast and go for a swim.

The same goes for a bunch of decisions in my life. I don’t wake up and wonder if I should go to work during the week or church on a Sunday – it is a hard decision I go.

Conversely there are some decisions that I have determined are soft. How I spend leisure time is a soft decision, I have found when I create a hard decision in this area I box myself in and that doesn’t work for my personality. I know people who always go out on a Friday night, or always rent a movie on a Sunday night. I have tried to be like that but it doesn’t work for me.

When I make the decisions that should soft into hard decisions, it feels like bondage.

When I make the decision that should hard into soft decisions my life goes off track and get a little aimless.

Lets lead ourselves by making the right decisions hard and the right decisions soft.  Apart from anything else it’s exhausting to keep remaking decisions that need to be hard decisions that are  made once !

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey!)