Now we all know church is the family of God and so it is a spiritual family. However what people often miss is that church is also a family business in terms of how it often runs – as in a natural family business. Some churches are like ” mom and Pop ” stores some are like multinational multigenerational public companies – but at their heart they are all family businesses which have levels of nepotism.
This is a good thing in my humble opinion. Why? Because church is not like any other company , even though it runs by the relevant company law. People who work in churches cannot be separate from their private lives because part of the qualification of ministry is to have your marriage/family/ household in order . Actually I want my Pastor or Ministry Leader to be a devoted husband or wife before they are a good minister. I want them to love, believe in and champion their kids . I don’t want to serve some one who does not love their family.
Sometimes this may mean that they elevate their family members when we think we are more skilled or suited for a role. It’s OK – God is big enough to work with the natural bonds of family within a church and still see our hopes and dreams realised .
This does make the environment a little unique- and at times challenging – I don’t gave the answers to it all – but here are a few tips I picked up along the way. (Please note These tips won’t work for highly dysfunctional situations or where sin is being covered – these call for oversight stepping in.)
1. You had better get on with your Pastor/ Ministry Leaders spouse – you don’t gave to be best friends – but they will be around much more than in other work places – so it’s important to connect . Their role can be ambiguous and challenging – love them you don’t know what’s it’s like to live their life .
2. A spouse also needs to trust you – and you gain trust by never giving them any reason not to trust you and always being appropriate especially if you are the opposite sex to your Pastor/ Ministry leader.
3. Connect with the kids – believe me your life will be so much richer for it- and they may grow up to significant roles in the church and you will need to work alongside them.
4. Never create a situation where they have to chose between you and a close family member – they should always chose their spouse or child over you – so don’t even go there – find another way to resolve an issue.
5. People can never be unbiased towards their family members – and nor should they ever be, that would be weird- so don’t expect it. We can’t expect people to turn off their love and support of their family at work especially in church life. We actually expect them to be the best parents and spouses they can be – so don’t get too bent out of shape when that has an out working you don’t enjoy. (Some people have tried so hard to not be biased that they have chosen deliberately against family members even when they are the right fit for a role – this leads to all kinds of problems)
Obviously the Pastor/ Ministry Leader needs to put in place safe guards to make sure that their family is involved in church life in a way that is healthy and wise, setting them up for success so they are in the right roles for their gifting and character. They won’t always get this right , when this happens our role is to be grateful they love their family and make the situation work the best we can. When we are allowed to speak into such a situation do so with much prayer and great restraint remembering points 4 and 5!
This is not a new situation – on the cross as he was dying, the one person Jesus was concerned to look after was his Mum. In his toughest hour, under extreme pressure, he remembered the earthly family he was born into.
What tips do you have in working in the family business of church? Any points you agree or disagree with here ? I am working it out as I go along like you are!
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These are so helpful as I just became staff at a new church that I had not attend in the past. Thank you so much Pam!
Great post Pam, I love reading your blog. Can you please add me to your mailing list?
Jacqui- you have to log in yourself in the comment section and tick the box where you subscribe !Hope that works
As leaders in children’s ministry, we serve the families in the church and amongst those are the Pastors’ children. We believe in the pastors’ kids, encourage them and support them even during some of their difficult times (being a pastors kid isn’t always easy).
Great joy and a measure of ‘parental’ pride comes, when we see them grow into adults and take on significant roles of leadership and grow into their ministry for God. These people certainly bring me some of the greatest blessing and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to have served their families in the family business of church over the years.