We are all wired differently and so different ways of keeping healthy boundaries work for us.
Here are 10 things that are working for me – in no particular order, except the first one.
- Sabbath is not part of the law. It was part of the original plan of God. As Jesus said – Sabbath was made for man. We cannot survive without at least one day of rest in a week. If God needed to rest on the seventh day so do we. Stay tuned for a whole blog on this.
- Get into somewhere green or blue whenever you can – find a beach to walk on, a river to stroll by, a park to sit in, a mountain to stare at – as often as you can. When we spend time in creation we re-connect with the Creator. Try not to take your phone – the world will survive without you for an hour as you nurture your soul. (The photo above is my beach -so blessed). Disconnects you from work in a way few other things can.
- In ministry there will always be more work than people and money – no matter how big the organization you work for is. So get use to going home and switching off without having completed everything, it is life in the kingdom. I love to complete tasks and it has led to many late nights in the office – but I have realized that in church life there is never any real completion. There is just a kingdom that is ever-expanding (And how exciting is that )and so I can’t gauge my success or progress on completion.
- I am responsible before God to look after my own life. If I am physically run down, emotionally exhausted and spiritually dry – it is not the job of my Pastors to step in.
- If I have no margin – emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically because I have no boundaries and live right out to the edge of the page of my life – I cannot be a good Samaritan to the people in need I come across in my life. If I am so tired and cranky from not having enough sleep that I don’t even see the needs around me – what use am I?? Might write a whole blog on this too!
- Even introverts need people and extroverts need alone time. We are just wired to get energy primarily from one or the other – not to negate the other one in our lives. I am an extrovert – but if I don’t have come potter time regularly I get a little crazy.
- Holidays are never at a good time,but we have to take them. They have to be times of disconnecting from our normal work and where possible our normal lives. As Rick Warren says – Abandon annually. I actually think Abandon annually is the barest minimum – take your vacation people and really disconnect.
- I am not the Saviour I know that is obvious but the way we work sometimes you would think the government was upon our shoulders – the government is upon His shoulders.
- The faster I respond the faster people will expect me to respond. If I reply to an email at 10pm at night people will grow to expect it. I will create a rod for my back that is not sustainable. I now turn my emails off on my phone when I leave work and don’t turn them back on until at least 8 the next morning. I was waking up and doing work emails before I got out of bed – ok in peak – times really bad for a sustainable life!
- I can say no to things with no reason apart from I am too tired, I need some space or I just don’t want to do it. Jesus withdrew to lonely places often throughout the gospels even though the need around him was huge. Ponder this one !
These are the things I am learning – at very nearly 50 I have lived a life that at points has lacked good boundaries and I have suffered for it; relationships have suffered, my health has suffered and worst of all at times I have modelled a life that no-one wants !
I was doing it all for Jesus –and really he was saying – Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest!” He wanted to show me a better way AND I am finally getting it. I think I will be getting it for the rest of my life.
What is your best boundary tip ? I need all the help I can get in this area !
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I need to print this and put it on our wall 🙂
As we all know becoming ” too busy” is the killer of all joy. I have been learning that is my biggest challenge. When i am too busy , I tend to TELL jesus… “Hey c’mon jump in with me , i’m moving really fast , let’s go we can talk on the way…..” I throw him in the back seat like one of my kids, ” make sure you have your seat belt on Jesus, because I may drive just a little too fast , because you lnow what a hurry i’m in, and by the way, i can’t hear you , the music is on too loud… What was that you said??” When your busy ” all the time” that’s all you end up with. My saviour has no chance blessing my soul when I keep throwing him the back seat. The last couple of weeks he has been right beside me , in front of me, and i’ve given him the wheel. The world does go on without me , and stuff does get done somehow.Without his blessings , things just ” getting done” is a sad way to do life. I’ve invited my savior to do life with me again, instead of just coming along for the ride and I’m better for it. My margins have been erased in this area.
Love your blog Pam. Good stuf.
Awesome stuff Pam! Loving the blog!
Well done and Amen!
My tip is : God gives you enough grace to cover just what He needs you to do in a day- when you exceed that you move into works of the flesh and quickly burn out, get stressed and emotionally drained. Ask Him for the plan each morning- often you find it is much less than you planned to cram in, do that and you will find that you end up getting more done in less time and it has the oil of the Spirit on it.
Great blog Pam xxx
Very good point Kate- in fact in many ways the only point – staying in step with the spirit
A constant battle in my life! Great tips! Thank you Pam!
Love this Pam!
Was just thinking about margins today. That concept blew my mind the first time I hear you talk about it. It’s the little things.
My biggest boundary/lessons for health… go to sleep. Eat something. (Maybe not in that order…) The majority of my problems are fixed with regular sleep and food. I’m happier and every challenge is easier to face.
Fabulous tips Pam! I need to put some of these into action!
Awesome again Pam!!! For sure keeping on this for my ministry experience coming up!!!!
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Love reading it Pam!
Quick question though on point 10 – When we don’t feel like it, but it’s important, what decision do we make? Eg. Whole church combined prayer meeting? Thanks!
Scott – I think we have to also look at our commitments and the benefits. Making decisions on feelings is not great- make pre-determined decisions about what is reasonable. So I have a decision that I will go to prayer meeting every second week- I want to be a part of corporate prayer and it is what works for me in this season. For a combined meeting- I will always go because really I need to get refreshed with vision and our last one was incredible!I left straight after it though as I knew I had an 8am meeting and was going to be work late the next night for an info night. I don’t think there are fixed rules- just as Kate said hearing from the Holy Spirit what he has for you.
So helpful! Thanks Pam.
You’re so full of wisdom!!
Will ponder on this, Pam. Thank you.
Awesome blog, Pam. Your are always straight to the point. Like it.
Thank you Pam! This blog post was timely for me.
Awesome Pam! Definitely wanna keep getting these gems from you! 🙂
Once again, outstanding stuff in here. Love U Pam 🙂
Great blog Pam!
My boundary tip that took what feels like a lifetime to learn:
My life is mine and I choice to whom I give it. Others will assume an unspoken right to make demands of it so learn to say no. If that’s difficult, respond with “I’ll get back to you”, discuss it with a mentor then go back with an answer. If you don’t have a mentor find one!
Great blog Pam
So wise Judy -and hard won