self management

Leading Yourself 5 – Decisions

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Self Managment, Uncategorized / 6 Comments

I have been pondering lately hard and soft decisions. We have to know the difference and have the ability to lead ourselves in the area of decision making.

Hard decisions are those we will hold too no matter what. They are the decisions we make that are set in stone.

Soft decisions are those that are more fluid and we will mostly likely uphold them but our commitment level is much lower.

Hard decisions are predetermined and they guide our lives.

Soft decisions should be the ones that are the optional extras.

So often we make the things that should be hard decisions soft,  and the things that should be soft decisions hard.

Hey before you click back onto FaceBook let me explain from an example in my life.

For a long time exercise was a set decision for me – I knew it was important and notionally I decided I needed to do it, however the decision was soft. It depended on what finances I had available, weather, energy levels and some days whether the planets were all a lined correctly. I went in spurts.

However now I have made it a hard decision in my life. I have determined that I am going to be 80 and still swimming laps. I may slow down and have to helped out of the pool but I will still be swimming. . Currently I am committed to swimming 30-40  laps 3 times a week. It has become a hard decision.

I now budget time and money towards it and as it is a hard decision, this guides me to do it. On my swim days I don’t wake up in the morning and decide whether to swim . I just wake up , walk the dog and pray , eat breakfast and go for a swim.

The same goes for a bunch of decisions in my life. I don’t wake up and wonder if I should go to work during the week or church on a Sunday – it is a hard decision I go.

Conversely there are some decisions that I have determined are soft. How I spend leisure time is a soft decision, I have found when I create a hard decision in this area I box myself in and that doesn’t work for my personality. I know people who always go out on a Friday night, or always rent a movie on a Sunday night. I have tried to be like that but it doesn’t work for me.

When I make the decisions that should soft into hard decisions, it feels like bondage.

When I make the decision that should hard into soft decisions my life goes off track and get a little aimless.

Lets lead ourselves by making the right decisions hard and the right decisions soft.  Apart from anything else it’s exhausting to keep remaking decisions that need to be hard decisions that are  made once !

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Leading yourself 4 – Fight to be in the Moment

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Enjoying Life, Rest, Self Managment / 4 Comments

In January I had a few days up the coast at a gorgeous place called Woolgoolga, with my friends Kerry and Marg – and some of Marg’s family. It was lovely.

At the time there were some pretty challenging things going on in my family which were causing me concern.

I also knew that I would be going back to a very busy time at work.

I felt these pressures trying to rob me of my usual holiday joy.

So I made a decision to fight to be in the moment. It didn’t mean I stopped caring about my family. It  did mean that I savoured the moments that would fill my soul and bring rest to my mind, so that I can keep on caring.

Leaders know how to fight to be in the moments of refreshing despite pressures, concerns and problems.

So I walked on the beach,swam in the ocean, played 500, drank champagne as the sun set, and relaxed.

One of my favourite moments was where I took the beach photo, and got the fresh revelation that turned into this post. There was an outdoor shower at the beach. After I had a surf I would stand under cool fresh water in a shower looking at the view. I loved those moments. I determined to not worry about anything but to just soak in the pure joy of cool water , warm sun and a stunning view. To take the moment to thank God for his stunning creation.  To just be right there in that moment taking it all in.

We have to be people who can take every thought captive, we can lead our own minds and hearts to peace and joy in the midst of big lives.

Even in the midst of challenges and heartache, that we can stop and enjoy a moment. We can allow our soul to be refreshed by these moments.

I am convinced that leading our souls in this way will cause us to be able to run the race set before us for the long haul.

Lets be people who can be in the moment – and lets let those moments colour our worlds.

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey!)

First Lead Yourself

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Dealing with People, Self Managment / 6 Comments

I had a conversation with a young leader who was stepping down from a leadership role a few weeks ago. In a moment an incredible self-awareness she said “I can’t lead other people when right now I can’t lead myself”.

If you are any type of leadership culture you will resonate with this and have heard it before.

This time  I heard it, thus got  me thinking. We are all works in progress and will have areas where we are doing well, and areas where we are struggling, so we can’t always lead ourselves well.

However here are some areas where if we can’t lead ourselves we will undermine any leadership role we are in.

So for the next few weeks I am going to unpack some of them. Heres the first one.

Leading Your Emotional World

Leaders can’t be emotionless robots or people who are always up and peppy. However I do believe we need some control of our emotional world.

This doesn’t mean we can’t have a tough day, express grief, anger or sadness. It does mean though that we need to have enough self-control that we can shelve those emotions when the situation requires it.

Leaders need a level of emotional stability so people around you can trust and rely on you.

For me the last thing I want is my team on egg shells wondering what sort of mood I am going to be in today (I am really hoping after this blog I don’t find out this is the case !)

Leaders need to be people who can handle problems and issues without losing control of their emotional world. We also need to understand how what is going on in our physical body affects our mood and brain function. Sometimes the situation is not as bad as your response, you just need food or sleep.

Part of this is knowing what the release valves on your emotions are.

At work if I know I am starting to red line I will go the kitchen at work, make a cup of tea , while its brewing I  go to the bathroom and tell God that I am not coping. Some how admitting it and asking for help is the first step towards gaining control. Then I usually find that either my perspective changes, peace comes or I get a God idea and I can get back into it.    ( Some days I drink a lot of tea)

At peak times I make sure I am walking the dog and praying every morning. I stay committed to swimming laps three times a week – I make sure I have fun times with good friends.

The things you do to release your emotional pressure valve will be different to mine – but you need to know what they are.

The last thing we need is for people we lead to experience outbursts of negative emotions on a regular basis because we are not in control. (We will all still lose the plot occasionally – which requires an apology I wrote about it here Say Sorry ) .Emotional stability creates trust and security in teams.

How do you keep your emotions under control ? What are you release valves, do you know when to use them ?  How do you healthily express emotions ?

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey! )

 

Love is not all we need !

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Church Life, Dealing with People / Leave a comment

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Lately I have noticed that yes we need to love one another- but we will not survive in life without the ability to forgive one another.

To live lives that are effective and fruitful, we have to be able to release people who have offended or hurt us, we have to be able to forgive.

Is forgiveness always easy ? No of course not. At least three times in my life I have been on forgiveness journeys that have taken years to work themselves out.

In one case every day in my prayer time I proclaimed – “I forgive her” .  At the end of a year it wasn’t only words it was finally something that I experienced. I had actually forgiven and I am so glad I did. The person I needed to forgive is still a good friend to this day and I could have missed out on 30 years of friendship if I didn’t forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t say what the person did was OK. It does say I will no longer hold it against them.

As my friend Emma wisely said to me said this week – to forgive is to be free – free to go anywhere without having to avoid anyone, free to do life with lots of people without being concerned about factions and divisions. Free from hanging on to a hurt or offence and letting it continue to hurt or offend.

Forgiveness knows we all have feet of clay and make mistakes and so can extend grace to other people.

Forgiveness doesn’t take on other people’s offences, and let other people’s issues keep us in chains, long after they have moved on.

Forgiveness understands I have been forgiven much and so I need to forgive.

We do need to love each other but its not all we need, we also need to forgive each other. It is hard work, it takes commitment and a big heart. It is so worth it in the end.

If none of that inspires you to forgive – maybe the scariest verse in the Bible will – I know puts the fear of God in me “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matt 6:14

Just my thoughts on forgiveness on a raining Thursday evening in Sydney.

Painting by Phil Pringle – go to PhilPringle.com 

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5 Tips to Juggling

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Enjoying Life, Rest, Self Managment, Uncategorized / Leave a comment

One of the things I was asked in my recent survey is how I do the juggle. The juggle that many of us do – balancing family, friends, work, second jobs, church commitments  and looking after ourselves.

To be honest this week I have failed badly at it. I almost missed a dear friends engagement, I messed up some dates that I booked people for and I tried to pray for new students for 2014 !! I blame it on a migraine, a move and inhaling too many cleaning products last week.

Normally I do manage to juggle quite a few things and enjoy it – so here is a few things I have learned about doing the juggle

  1. It takes planning – I spend time at the beginning of each week figuring out where all the pieces are going to fit in. I use my outlook calendar to put everything into – find a calendar tool you like and use it.
  2. I pretty much do what I have planned to do – no matter how I feel. Too much rescheduling causes lots of stress.
  3. You have to be in the moment – if you have a full life you have to enjoy right where you are at that time. I try to be totally present and enjoy right where I am. (The photo above is from the College Ministry Trip. Had a week with these crazy kids and loved being with them – enjoying too many great moments)
  4. I make sure that there are certain things that I don’t juggle – they are fixed and don’t move e.g. I walk and pray in the mornings, no matter what else is going on in a day. I always have one day off work a week no matter what. (If you have read my blog before you know I am passionate about the Sabbath -I wrote about it here 7 Tips to keeping a Sabbath)
  5. I allow margin where ever I can. Deliberate gaps in the schedule which allow for unforeseen interruptions. These interruptions are always people and people are always more important than any tasks, and worth the interruption.

I am not perfect at the juggle by any means and I don’t juggle as many things as many of you do – but I do have a full life and these are some tips that have helped me. Please comment if you have any great tips that could help us all

(If you would like to get my blog in your email and never have to look for it on social media again – just subscribe on the side. I can’t guarantee it will always be brilliant, I can promise it will always be real – my aim is that it would always be helpful)

7 Tips to Coping with Peak Seasons

Posted on by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Church Life, Rest, Self Managment / 2 Comments

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Peak seasons – we all have them – times when we are unusually busy. For me there are three times in the year that are the main peaks; the lead up to College starting, the end of College and Presence Conference. For me they are wonderful as we welcome new students, celebrate and graduate or attend an incredible conference. They are also stressful and tiring.

In the past I have been great at achieving much in these seasons, narrowing my focus to the tasks at hand and ignoring everything else. Which sounds brilliant and probably was good for KPIs but was actually pretty unhealthy for me. I would wind up exhausted, able to schedule a migraine and with a house that was a disaster. (Any previous flat mates or roommates will tell you it is true !)

So I have learnt in recent years a better way – and most of you probably knew this intuitively – but maybe some of you are like I was.

Seven tips for coping with the Busy Season

1.Pray

Keep praying – long hours are exhausting,and God understands the season, but spiritual disconnection is not the answer. Apart from anything else you need His strength and wisdom.

2. Exercise
Keep exercising – we all feel like we don’t have time when we are busy but the stress relief from my morning walk with an excited puppy is priceless

 3. Eat well 

If  you are a stress eater like me you will reach for the chocolate – and in moderation it is wonderful – but believe me too much of a good thing will mess with you. I now have a fruit and veggie box delivered which helps so much – there is always healthy food in my fridge . Plan ahead for busy times and shop. Otherwise you will eat fast food and feel awful. Your body needs to be working well at these times.
4. Sleep

Sleep as normally as you can. Try not to stay up late watching Suits- oh wait that is just me !
5. Have fun

Last night I got home after two huge days and the temptation was to hibernate in front of the TV. However my brother invited me to play a board game with the family and a friend. Did I feel like learning a new game? Not at all? Do I know my extrovert self would be better for some fun with people – yes. (See my previous post on Knowing Yourself ) So I got into it and for two fun hours could only focus on getting my men up a board game mountain alive and beating everyone else. It was so much better stress relief than allowing my life to narrow down to work and sleep.

6. Clean your House /Bed room 
Keep your house in vaguely good shape – and make sure the washing is done. I am convinced one of the keys to life is a stack of clean underwear and clean sheets – somehow if I have both of those all is well with the world.

7.Laugh 
Keep laughing – don’t take it all too seriously – this season will pass and the next one is coming. Even in the midst of very tough times there are things to laugh about which will “do you good like medicine” . (This is from a girl prone to getting way too intense – it doesn’t really help anyone )

I know it is all very basic – however it took me a while to learn.
What do you do in peak times?

(If you would like to get content like this  in your email regularly and never have to look for it on social media again – just put your email address in  the subscribe section . My goal is to help you avoid some of the mistakes I have made and to encourage you on your journey! If you liked it feel free to share it on Social Media- if you don’t like it let me know – don’t want write blogs no-one likes ! )