Say Sorry- it will set you free !

There was a sense , when I began leading things and being involved in ministry that people in leadership were supposed to get it right all the time, have all the answers and have it all together. Thank goodness those days are over and authenticity and transparency are much more valued now. Honestly that was exhausting for most people.

In among the need for leaders and ministers to be real, is a need to be able to utter three little words “I am sorry”. I am convinced that I have to be able to say I am sorry when I mess up , when I make a mistake or when I was wrong. I have to be able to say it to people in all areas of my life.

Here are some thoughts on why sorry is so key in church life

When I say sorry I am admitting fault and admitting I am not perfect – which is liberating. If I can say sorry I don’t have to be perfect. What a relief. There was only ever one perfect man and his name was Jesus, the rest of us mere mortals fall short of perfection regularly.
People around me normally know I made a mistake, hiding it or ignoring it actually causes people to lose respect not gain it.
Saying sorry allows people the opportunity to forgive me and move on. Not addressing the issue causes resentment and anger towards me, understandably.
I need to humble myself to say sorry, to kill my pride and take responsibility for my actions, and this can only be good for my soul. It allows God’s grace to flow towards me because we know that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Saying sorry should never become a technique we use to win people over but rather a heart-felt admission of wrong, coupled with a request for forgiveness. Why? Because before we are leaders, ministers,managers or any other roles- we are Christians and thats what Jesus followers do. We repent of our sin before God and apologise to the people we hurt. Jesus tells us clearly to forgive one another- lets ask for and receive forgiveness as a way of life.

Got any thoughts on apologising ? Love you to comment.

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Yikes – I’m doing it afraid

Posted on March 13, 2014April 13, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Enjoying Life / 4 Comments

What I am pondering now is why the heck I just signed up to write a 30,000 word thesis when I had no intention of doing so. I am crazy. But to back track ….

Two weeks ago I promised some more on my life message on Grace. However last week I had four nights in a row out at church meetings and so by Thursday when I should have blogged , the most I was up for was sitting on the couch watching Madagascar with my little nephews. If you have taken time to read my blog – I want you to read something worthwhile – not dribble I write, over tired. Grace will re-appear later I am sure.

Back to the thesis – I am completing my MTh and had a fairly straight forward two courses to complete. However the College where I did my MA has recently put up a MTh and to be honest I really like studying with them. They are from the same faith tradition where the place I was doing my MTh is not, I thought it didn’t matter but turns out it does.

So I transferred back to where I did my MA. However in their course structure I have to do a thesis to complete. I am totally intimidated and unsure of my ability to do this. I am a practitioner not an academic. However I want to study with lecturers I know and trust; people who have a real walk with God and I can pick up the phone and call.

Most of all – at 50 I want to do something that I am terrified of. I want to keep challenging myself so I don’t get comfortable – which is too easy to do.

I also realised that I can’t keep challenging my students to walk on water if I stay on the solid ground I so enjoy. I am doing it afraid. I may well fail – but as they say in that great theological movie Meet the Robinson’s – “in failing you learn, in success not so much” . I suspect I will learn much.

It is so important that as ministers and leaders we don’t get so good at dealing with other people’s issues that we don’t deal with our own. As my brother said to me this week “other peoples problems are so much easier to solve”.

When our biggest challenges are juggling other people’s challenges, it is an unusual life.

I dont believe I can inspire or encourage people to do something if I am not challenging myself. We need to be good steward of the gifts and strengths God gave us. We need to keep taking steps of faith that challenge us.

For me this year (or maybe 18 months ) it is writing a 30,000 word thesis. For some of you it is something much more challenging and life changing.

Lets keep being people who walk on the water ! What are you doing this year to challenge yourself ?

Be Strong in Grace

Posted on February 27, 2014April 13, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Church Life, Dealing with People / 6 Comments

Be Strong in Grace

Several years ago I was in a situation that I thought was overwhelming. All my life people had called me a “Pollyanna” or told me I looked at life through rose-colored glasses.

One day it was as if someone took off my glasses and replaced them with another pair and suddenly a whole situation and particularly a person I had been very close to looked totally different. Had anything really changed – no – but my perception had changed . As daily I received more and more information from great Pastors who were determined I would see clearly, I felt like I was crumbling internally. How could I have been so deceived, how could I have been so blind?

As I began to unravel this situation I started to understand that my need to make people and situations perfect in my own mind caused me to have a totally unrealistic, romantic view of life. As you can imagine in some ways it was like waking up from a really lovely dream and finding it wasn’t true. It was shocking.

At some point my great friend Margaret said to me “We just need more grace to make it through this.” Never have truer words been spoken to me. I had a revelation of grace that was shallow and powerless. It stopped with forgiveness of my sins at salvation. To really deal with life, faulted humanity and my own less than perfect self I was going to need more understanding of grace.

Peter says in 1Pet 2:1 “Finally be strong in the grace of God.”
We need not just be people who are saved by grace, but leaders who are strong in the grace of God. In case you haven’t noticed yet lives, ours included are messy, our formula’s for Christian life don’t always work, good people do some really horrific things to each other and the righteous still struggle with sin and failings. We need the grace of God to live out our callings. We need grace from God for ourselves and for each other.

Grace that is real and robust means I know the people around me are faulted and human -and they will sometimes disappoint and offend me. I will disappoint and offend people. We are all people in need of Jesus.

When we are strong in grace we become like the palm tree that bends in the storm. More on that next week !

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Enjoy the Season

Posted on February 20, 2014April 13, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Enjoying Life / 7 Comments

I have watched the photos on social media of my friends in the Northern Hemisphere being hammered by snow storm after snow storm this winter. It has made me reflect on my 15 winters in New York. I wish I could say that I missed a real winter but really I don’t . The first snow of the season is gorgeous and I have some beautiful memories. However I have too many snow shovelling , scraping snow off my windscreen in the freezing cold, garbage on side walks covered in what was now brown slush memories , to want to return to NY in winter. I always go in spring, summer or fall if I can now.

What I do know is that I made the most of the snow when I had it. I went skiing when I could (I am not a great skier by any means but I had fun) , I walked in the snow, my connect group would turn on the outside lights and grab our sleds at 10pm and sled down the huge block of land I lived on in Smithtown , LI until we were exhausted and freezing. I so remember a lovely afternoon living in Manhattan and my brother John visiting and sitting in the window seat of the huge Barnes and Noble on Union Square drinking coffee, reading books and chatting as the snow turned the city white.

So when I left real winters I knew I had enjoyed them – and hated them . I had taken the best out of the season.

I think it’s so important to enjoy the season you are in – the actual season and the figurative season. Too often – particularly as Western Christians – we are so looking forward that we forget to get the most out of today, this week, this month.

Single people want to get married, married people want babies, people with babies want them to be able to walk and talk , parents with teenagers want them to be independent etc etc et . Meanwhile we are missing the things God has for us right now.

In church life we are wanting the church to break through to the next level all the time and not allowing ourselves to rejoice in the current season.

Every season – even the tough ones – has gold to be mined and God to encounter.

If you can help the people, you are leading , embrace the season they are in we would have many more content people in churches. People who have learned the “secret of being content whether in plenty or in want “.

Years ago I made the decision to enjoy the single season of my life. This season has gone on way longer than I anticipated or wanted. However I am so glad I know I have enjoyed the season. I have traveled to some gorgeous places, made great friends and had incredible experiences in this season . The alternative was to be miserable – and honestly I just can’t stay there for too long.

In each season life and death stands before us – chose life people and enjoy where you are today!

(The photo above is from a fun holiday in Amsterdam in Summer – a beautiful city with beautiful friends in it )

7 Tips to Coping with Peak Seasons

Posted on February 6, 2014February 18, 2016 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Church Life, Rest, Self Managment / 2 Comments

Peak seasons – we all have them – times when we are unusually busy. For me there are three times in the year that are the main peaks; the lead up to College starting, the end of College and Presence Conference. For me they are wonderful as we welcome new students, celebrate and graduate or attend an incredible conference. They are also stressful and tiring.

In the past I have been great at achieving much in these seasons, narrowing my focus to the tasks at hand and ignoring everything else. Which sounds brilliant and probably was good for KPIs but was actually pretty unhealthy for me. I would wind up exhausted, able to schedule a migraine and with a house that was a disaster. (Any previous flat mates or roommates will tell you it is true !)

So I have learnt in recent years a better way – and most of you probably knew this intuitively – but maybe some of you are like I was.

Seven tips for coping with the Busy Season

1.Pray

Keep praying – long hours are exhausting,and God understands the season, but spiritual disconnection is not the answer. Apart from anything else you need His strength and wisdom.

2. Exercise
Keep exercising – we all feel like we don’t have time when we are busy but the stress relief from my morning walk with an excited puppy is priceless

3. Eat well

If you are a stress eater like me you will reach for the chocolate – and in moderation it is wonderful – but believe me too much of a good thing will mess with you. I now have a fruit and veggie box delivered which helps so much – there is always healthy food in my fridge . Plan ahead for busy times and shop. Otherwise you will eat fast food and feel awful. Your body needs to be working well at these times.
4. Sleep

Sleep as normally as you can. Try not to stay up late watching Suits- oh wait that is just me !
5. Have fun

Last night I got home after two huge days and the temptation was to hibernate in front of the TV. However my brother invited me to play a board game with the family and a friend. Did I feel like learning a new game? Not at all? Do I know my extrovert self would be better for some fun with people – yes. (See my previous post on Knowing Yourself ) So I got into it and for two fun hours could only focus on getting my men up a board game mountain alive and beating everyone else. It was so much better stress relief than allowing my life to narrow down to work and sleep.

6. Clean your House /Bed room
Keep your house in vaguely good shape – and make sure the washing is done. I am convinced one of the keys to life is a stack of clean underwear and clean sheets – somehow if I have both of those all is well with the world.

7.Laugh
Keep laughing – don’t take it all too seriously – this season will pass and the next one is coming. Even in the midst of very tough times there are things to laugh about which will “do you good like medicine” . (This is from a girl prone to getting way too intense – it doesn’t really help anyone )

I know it is all very basic – however it took me a while to learn.
What do you do in peak times?

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7 Tips to keeping Sabbath

Posted on January 22, 2014March 3, 2016 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Rest / 12 Comments

So we established last week we need a sabbath – but how do we do it ?

The Old Testament has chapters and chapters about keeping Sabbath – keeping it holy – and most of it describes how to not work. When the law around Sabbath is introduced in Exodus 20 as part of the Ten Commandments, it says “remember the Sabbath and keep it holy” and then goes onto say “Six days you shall labour and do all your work but the seventh day is a sabbath to The Lord Your God on it your shall not do any work”

If Jesus went explained say Sabbath was made for mankind – and thus kept it as a pattern to follow .However it seems we are really good at working and not so good at resting.

So here are my tips – most of them I learnt the hard way from doing the opposite

1. Chose a day that works as your Sabbath – if you work at a church – in whatever capacity Sunday does not count as a Sabbath – it is a work day. For a long time I had a Jewish like sabbath – 5pm Friday till 5pm Sat. It made me leave work on time on Friday night and gave me till Sat night service off.
2. Don’t spend time with people you are pastoring or leading- that is work . if you are with people you work with and you make a pact not to discuss work.
3. Turn off your work emails – none of us are that important that people need an instant response.
4. Don’t answer work calls (unless it is your boss – and if they are a good boss they won’t call on your day off unless it’s an emergency – every rule has exceptions- emergencies are just that- emergencies!
5. Don’t respond to work texts – I once had to say to a student after repeated texts ” I will get to it tomorrow I am having a day off” – she responded well and hopefully I modelled something for her
6. A new one I am going to try this year – disconnect from social media – the world actually doesn’t need to know how you are spending your day off ! You don’t actually need to know what everyone is doing or saying on your day off- a break from all the noise of social media cold just instantly make our sabbaths holy !
7. And most importantly – spend some time with God and some time alone and/or some time in nature or some time with people who refresh you !

I really don’t think Sabbath can be optional for those of us wanting to do a long journey and do it well. If you want to go hard and burn out – the fastest way to do it is to work 7 days a week! Occasional busy seasons require it- but a lifestyle without a day off is not sustainable.

Those are my tips – what are yours – help us all out and post a tip that has helped you keep the sabbath holy !

First Blog of 2014 – Rocks and Days Off !

Posted on January 16, 2014April 13, 2014 by pam.borrow@myc3church.net / Posted in Boundaries, Church Life / 4 Comments

As we are racing into a New Year many of us feel the need to set goals and revisit dreams and vision. I have set goals for 2014 – however more than anything I am feeling the need to make sure the “big rocks ” are in place before I worry about anything else .( from Stephen Covey http://www.scc.k12.wi.us/District/Big_Rocks_Stephen_Covey.pdf )

When it comes to thinking about 2014 I am challenged again to make sure I have a Big Rock in place called Sabbath. I also promised I would write about this in an earlier post. Top Ten Boundary Tips

When I first came back to church as a 19-year-old, we were all about freedom and not following the law. We threw out anything that we thought was vaguely legalistic. Somehow in my mind that included any concept of a Sabbath. We were going hard or going home, there was time to sleep when we were dead – we were young , zealous and actually pretty stupid.

I actually managed to live like this for quite a long time . Then at the end of one year I felt totally exhausted and my normal vacation time did not seem to work its magic. I felt the Holy Spirit come and convict me that I needed to make sure I kept the Sabbath if I wanted to finish the race well and feeling good and in good health

I read the verse where Jesus says “Sabbath was made for man not man for the Sabbath” (Mark 2:27). This got me thinking in a new way and caused me to make a major lifestyle change.

If the Sabbath was made for man, then we must need it. We must need at least one day off during the week to rest and rejuvenate. Jesus fulfilled the law but Sabbath, although contained in the law, predates law. It is a creation ordinance. God rested on the seventh day setting in place a pattern of living. Then to reinforce it , Sabbath is part of the 10 Commandments and the law. (Interestingly as my Pastor, Phil Pringle recently pointed out – we are totally fine with a moral code based on most of the ten commandments – but not all of them, in 21st century life we struggle to take a day off.

It actually take faith to take a day off. It takes us letting go of one day of earning potential or one day of sometimes much needed paid or unpaid overtime to get the job done . It takes us trusting God that he can take care of our needs as we rest. It is letting go of some control and doing what God has set in place. As particularly western culture screams at us to work harder -particularly in a post recession world where there is more work, less money and less job security – a day off can seem foolish.

For those of us in ministry it takes trusting God with our people and our projects that He will actually be Lord as we rest !

For those who are high level lay ministers and hold down another full time job – it means making sure that you don’t commit ourselves beyond our ability to keep rest in place- no matter the desire to build the kingdom.

As you consider 2014 do you have Sabbath in place – a day of rest ? God created it for you , you are not superwoman or superman you cannot work without rest. Carve out a day off a week and see the difference.

Next week – Tips to keeping Sabbath – things that I have found work for me and maybe will for you!

(Sabbath and Vacation time are precious to me- the photo above is from a recent family trip to Western Australia- that is a my breakfast and dinner view from the place my sister took us to as a Christmas present for 3 nights in Margaret River- so blessed)

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